The Parental Intelligence Newsletter

13 June 2010

Hi, this is Bob Collier inviting you to 'explore the psychology of happy and successful parenting', connect with bright minds, discover new ideas and sail outside the mainstream for a while without running aground.

All that and more.

In this issue of the Parental Intelligence Newsletter there are links to 32 articles, 2 audios, 3 videos and 13 notices and items of news. As always, I trust you will find in my latest collection of parenting, education and personal development ideas and information from around the internet something that will make a positive difference to your life - and, through you, to the lives of your children.

Please scroll down to pick and choose whatever is of interest and useful to you.

Thank you for being here! I appreciate this opportunity to be of help to you in your parenting adventure and wish you all the happiness and success you would wish yourself.

See you next time!



"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein



Neuro-Linguistic Programming And Parenthood - An Interview With Keith Gilbert
by Jodie Miller

Welcome Keith, what question/s do people ask most when trying to understand what Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is about?

In terms of the life coaching and counselling work that I have done the questions that people have asked me are: "Is it like psychology?" and, "Does it have something to do with hypnosis?"

Read more ...

Why planned attended homebirth should be more widely supported in Australia
by Dr Lareen A. Newman

This article is written following the 2008 release of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists' (ACOG) revised Statement on Homebirth, in which it 'reiterates its long-standing opposition to home births', and in anticipation of the review of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RANZCOG) equivalent which is set for November this year. The article questions the continuing reluctance on the part of professional and bureaucratic bodies involved in maternity care to provide for and support planned attended homebirth for low-risk women, in the face of the balance of the research evidence which does support its safety.

Read more ...

Have It Your Way
from Redkitchenette

I've been reading and thinking a lot about birth choice this week. I'm a huge homebirth advocate, but also understand that the majority of women want to have babies in the hospital. I just wish that more women who were going to be having babies under the care of an OB in that setting would be more informed about the process.

Read more ...

Thank you for that item to mamapoekie

Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss: Parenting Boys and Girls
by Ronit Baras

Gender is no doubt a huge factor in parenting. Many parents would like to know their baby's gender before it is born, because gender matters to them. In our society, the role of girls and women is different from the role of boys and men. It is hard to ignore these roles and treat kids equally, because in the eyes of our society they are not equal.

So what should we do? Should we parent our kids differently if they are boys or girls or should we treat them just the same?

Read more ...

Cosleeping Safety Guide
by mamapoekie

Are you a new parent? You want to cosleep with your baby, but you have heard it is dangerous, so you are hesitant. Or maybe you have been cosleeping but became doubtful after some criticism. ... Indeed, numerous campaigns have led us to believe to put a baby to sleep Alone, on his Back in a Crib. But for a breastfed baby, there is no better place in the world than close to his mother. If you respect these simple guidelines, cosleeping can be made perfectly safe.

Read more ...

Handling criticism about breastfeeding
by Kelly Bonyata, IBCLC

Unfortunately, many mothers end up having to deal with criticism about their choice to breastfeed at one point or another. Criticism from strangers happens occasionally, but tends to be easier to deal with since you're unlikely to see those people again. Criticism from family members and others close to you can be much harder to handle.

Read more ...

Perception of Traditional Societies
by mamapoekie

I have been writing a lot about traditional society and Western Society lately, so I thought it might be time to set a few things straight - things that for me as a person living in Africa are quite obvious, but that might not be for my readers, who might have never visited an african or other 'Third World' (you know I hate that terminology) country.

Read more ...

Toddlers: To Tame or to Trust
by Naomi Aldort (Ph.D.)

As a parenting counsellor, I often get calls from bewildered and confused parents who say, 'My baby was so angelic. Then one day the "monster" came out. I did everything right. He was born peacefully, he is still nursing on request, still sleeps next to me, and I carried him all of the time. Why is he becoming so difficult now (at age 2, 3, or 4)?' 

What has happened is actually a wonderful result of a relationship of trust and a deep bonding fostered by healthy attachment. The young child trusts her parents absolutely, and in that trust she rightly assumes that they are on her side and that she is safe and welcome to spread her wings. The way young humans spread their wings, however, is not always convenient to adults.

Read more ...

Control: Take it, or leave it?
by Jeff Sabo

Before we began our unschooling journey, we were much different parents than we are now. We were always connected to and engaged with our children, but we also controlled much of what they did. Some of the control was fairly subtle, like ensuring that they said "please" and "thank you" at the appropriate times - no less damaging for the subtlety, mind you. There were other areas in which our controlling behaviors were more blatant, like our controls on TV. We limited what they could watch, and sometimes how much of it they could watch. But when the boys were five and three, they watched Toy Story II just about every day. Allowing them to watch the film at all was a big step for us; up until that point, we had watched mostly Veggie Tales and Little Bear, wholesome movies with virtually no violence. But we decided to take the plunge, and after watching it a few times as a family, we let them watch it by themselves.

And then the fighting started.

Read more ...

Parenting Advice: Confusing Childhoods
by Sally Maslansky

I am writing this just after having celebrated my son's 21st birthday. Something so many people tell me about him now is how well he seems to know himself, and how independent and self-reliant he has become. As I reflect over his childhood, I cannot help but think about an incident that I believe changed both our lives forever, though at the time it occurred I hardly thought of it as a positive turning point.

Read more ...

Thank you for that item to Eileen Lian

On Seeing Children as "Cute"
by John Holt

We should try to get out of the habit of seeing little children as cute. By this I mean that we should try to be more aware of what it is in children to which we respond and to tell which responses are authentic, respectful, and life-enhancing, and which are condescending or sentimental. Our response to a child is authentic when we are responding to qualities in the child that are not only real but valuable human qualities we would be glad to find in someone of any age. It is condescending when we respond to qualities that enable us to feel superior to the child. It is sentimental when we respond to qualities that do not exist in the child but only in some vision or theory that we have about children.

Read more ...

Transitioning from the traditional
by Ronnie

For me, moving beyond traditional parenting has been, and continues to be, a process. It started when my kids were very young, when I began letting go of control in small ways. I think the experimenting I did during that time was a vital part of the process for me. I had to try it, and I had to see it "work," meaning I had to see marked improvement in our family life. And it did work, and it worked so quickly. Things got better. I was rewarded.

But more than that, I began to see things differently. Without consciously trying for it, my perspective shifted. It was the first of several such shifts.

Read more ...

Bait and switch
by Joe Bower

I write a lot about radically altering how we interact with children. There is a big difference between working with children and doing things to them. You could choke a horse with the sheer number of reward and punishment based programs that have infected our schools and homes.

Read more ...

How Public School Teachers Can Reverse the Educational Decline
by Bruce Deitrick Price, Canada Free Press

The following plea-written 55 years ago and addressed to all the teachers of America-is still solid gold today ...

Read more ...

Five Assumptions About High Schoolers
by Melia Dicker

In addition to helping process school memories, Reschool Yourself involves raising questions about the practice and philosophy of traditional schooling in general. I want to be clear that I love and respect all of my schools, and although I'm using examples from their campuses, I'm talking about school in general. I'm truly curious about why schools tend to operate the way they do, and what changes are possible within their circumstances.

Read more ...

Mistrust drives manipulation
by Joe Bower

Today's test and punish brand of accountability has left teachers deprofessionalized in a pool of distrust. I've come to know far too many teachers who are numb to top-down, teacher-proofing reform. For them, education reform has become a shopping list of dictates and demands, and so many teachers have come to see their principal or their superintendent as their superior who tells them what to do.

Read more ...

Education is an Experiment
by Tammy Drennan

Educating another human being is an experimental endeavor by its very nature.  Of the vast amount of knowledge out there, what's best to cover? How much literature for the science buff, how much science for the literary sort? What standards of writing and to whom should those standards apply? What about the inventors and artists and musicians and builders and runners? What encourages and what stymies genius? The questions go on and on, all with multiple answers that satisfy only small groups of people.

Read more ...

Learning Is Not Something That's Done To You
by Wendy Priesnitz

Perhaps the most basic assumption our society makes about education is that learning can and should be produced in people. This assumption leads to another one: Learning is the result of treatment by an institution called school.

Read more ...

Unschooling or Homeschooling?
by Billy Greer

What is the difference between unschooling and homeschooling? At one time they were just two terms for the same thing, so the question was like asking what the difference is between a car and an automobile. Today, homeschooling has remained a generic term while unschooling has come to refer to a specific type of homeschooling. So now the question is like asking what the difference is between a Ferrari and a car. Just what is it about unschooling that differentiates it from other types of homeschooling enough to warrant its own term?

Read more ...

Unschooling: Doughnuts and Peanut Sauce
by Wendy Priesnitz

The ABC News show Nightline has recently featured "unschooling." I guess budgets are low and the network is repurposing content - or at least ideas. Last month, one of the Nightline segment "reporters" did a similar piece, with a different family, on the ABC show Good Morning America. It was equally as ignorant, unbalanced, and sensationalist. But I guess they were proud of their first foray into the muck, since, in an oddly sort of déjà vu manner, the shows are quite similar, right down to the website text accompanying the two videos. Aside from having moved from calling this supposedly odd phenomenon "radical homeschooling" to "unschooling," even the headline is the same. Oh, and the scandalous food that these reportedly irresponsible parents supposedly "let" their kids eat has changed from doughnuts to pasta with peanut butter sauce.

Read more ...

Growing Up Unschooled: Melissa's Story
from Woman Uncensored

In an effort to help further understanding of unschooling and hopefully dispel some mis-perceptions about how they "turn out" later in life, I've interviewed a few adults that were unschooled growing up. Melissa is one of them, and was kind enough to answer the many questions posed by myself and my readers. I hope you enjoy this little peek into her life!

Read more ...

Thank you for that item to Sarah Parent

Am I Giving Them Enough?
When Unschooling Feels Like Unparenting
by Theresa Shea

We are the wild element, the bad example to schooled children! We represent an alternative lifestyle. When we get together en masse, we are a formidable crowd. We provide living proof that not all children have to spend five days a week shut away from the larger community. There are a lot of children in our neighborhood, but one by one the daytime access to these playmates dwindled as kindergarten and first grade claimed many of them. Because of our presence, however, it's not uncommon to hear schooled children ask their parents, "Why can't I be a homeschooler?"

Read more ...

Should we teach our children to read and write?
by Simon Webb

For at least three and a half thousand years it has been thought a good idea to teach children to read and write, whether or not they actually wish to do so. A clay tablet dug up at Nippur in Iraq dates from around 1700 BC. It reads, in part, 'My teacher said "Your handwriting is unsatisfactory" He caned me'. This gives us some idea of how ancient this idea is. For the last few decades or so though, the notion has circulated that it is in fact neither necessary nor desirable to teach children these skills in a structured way, particularly if they are reluctant to learn. There is a bit of a problem though with this relatively new approach.

Read more ...

But What About Math?
by TJ Phillips

People talk about how much they suck at math.  I've even heard this as an excuse for continuing to force your children to go to public school:   "I suck at math, I could never teach that to my kids!" If you suck at math, and you went to school, how is school-taught mathematics going to be different for your child?

Read more ...

"Ask a [Smrt] Homeschooler" about exposure to tough situations
by Smrt Mama

Cruelty doesn't produce character. Suffering through meanness doesn't make a stronger, better person. Bullying doesn't create well-rounded individuals who are able to deal with day-to-day challenges. Removing a child from a damaging (mentally, physically, or emotionally) situation isn't teaching him to "run away from his problems."

Read more ...

When Public Schools Are All Fixed, Then Let's Talk about Homeschooling
by Linda Dobson

Until then, I really don't see where public schooling proponents have the nerve to talk about much of anything with a straight face.

Read more ...

But My Child Isn't School-Aged Yet: Deschooling Our Thoughts on When Learning Begins
by Linn Kelly

I started looking into home education when my son was 6mths old. I couldn't find much on the internet, but I had some website and forum savvy so I decided to set up a place that would bring homeschoolers to me. It worked and we now have a wonderful and vibrant community of home educators here at Joyous Learning. However, I felt like a bit of a phony; I was the owner and administrator of a home education site but as the mother of a baby I had no experience in homeschooling at all.

Read more ...

6 New Education Innovations: Public Schools Ever More Obsolete
by Linda Dobson

Great for homeschoolers, those thinking about homeschooling should take a good look at the growing number of alternative education approaches available for the taking. Expect to see many more new and exciting ideas as information breaks through the barrier of institutionalized education's walls!

The field of education is buzzing with innovation. Both public and private sectors are introducing ideas involving new technologies and methodologies. It's fertile ground for fresh enterprises; here are five we spotted recently:

Read more ...

Internet schools: The school on a sofa
by Sarah Harris. The Independent (UK)

Picture a school with no walls. At this school there are no smelly changing-rooms, no lumpy gravy, no bullies, or detentions and you can turn up to lessons in your pyjamas and Snoopy slippers if you feel like it. It's called InterHigh - and it's the UK's first ever internet school, founded four years ago by former teachers Paul and Jacqui Daniell, in response to a growing demand for "more choice".

Read more ...

How to Raise Global Learners
by Laura Weldon

Living on a farm we don't have the time or the means to travel. But we want our children to be global citizens. We want them to truly understand how fully they are linked to their fellow beings on this beautiful blue green planet.

Read more ...

How Much Time Do You Spend Hypnotised In Front Of Your TV?
by Adam Eason

Some people may consider the television to be the best hypnotist in the world… For some it may be where they get the vast majority of their education… Many of the illustrations I offer up for theories in my work, I illustrate with references to the telly and shows I watch…  I guess that watching the telly is up there as one of the  western world's most popular pastimes (if not the most).

Read more ...

What Can Determine Your Behavior?
What are Meta-Programs?
by Shlomo Vaknin, C.Ht

"Meta-Programs can be thought of as the primary programs that govern people's mental processes."

"It is useful not to think of Meta-Programs as nouns, as the name might imply."

"Rather than describing what people are, Meta-Programs help us understand how people function in any given context."

Now let's try to make it really simple ...

Read more ...


Co-Creating with Teresa Brett

Humans Being's Sarah Parent in conversation with Teresa Brett of Parenting for Social Change on Co-Creator Radio Network.

Further information at

10 Steps to Gain Wisdom From Generations Before

A hypnosis session podcast from UK hypnotherapist Adam Eason. A text version of the session can be found lower down the same page.

Listen (or read) at


Attachment Parenting International - Ripple Effect

A short promo for Attachment Parenting International (1 min 21 secs).

Watch at

Thank you for that item to John W. Travis, MD of the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children (aTLC)

Parenting for a Peaceful World

"Robin Grille, author of "Parenting for a Peaceful World", and also "Heart to Heart Parenting" shares some profound information about children and parenting practices around the world and throughout history. Learn more about Robin at

Narrated by Aja Swafford, created by Jacob Devaney for and written by Robin Grille."

Watch at (7 mins 48 secs)

Children Learn What They Live

"Did you know that children learn their behaviour from their parents! If you cross the street without checking left and right, your children will do the same! Be what you want your children to be!"

Watch at (1 min 28 secs)

Thank you for that item to Lisa in Bloomington, Indiana


Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Liberating Parents

A new and different parenting book from Australian NLP Consultant and Life Coach Keith Gilbert.

"... this is what Liberating Parents is all about.  It is training for parents so that you can learn the essential processes for creating, maintaining and enjoying mental and emotional health and wellbeing. And when you have these skills and use them on a daily basis then you become a model for your children of a balanced, creative and free individual… which is exactly what you want for your children!"

My favourite parenting book ever.

Visit Keith Gilbert's Neuro Linguistic Parents website for more information

Join the Liberating Parents group at Facebook

How I Parent

A short and hopefully useful instantly downloadable FREE ebook about how I've parented my own children.

Read more about that here 

Guiding Stars of the New Parenting Movement

Be sure to download your FREE copy of my Guiding Stars of the New Parenting Movement ebooks while you're here if you haven't done so already.

These ebooks are FREE with my compliments and are packed with valuable insights and useful ideas to help you in your parenting adventure.

Volume 1 - an introduction to the work of Michael Mendizza, Robin Grille, Laura Ramirez, Jan Hunt, Pam Leo, Pat and Larry Downing, Alfie Kohn, Marc Prensky, Kali Wendorf and Jan Fortune-Wood:

Download it from here  

Volume 2 - an introduction to the work of Aletha Solter, Kim Wildner, Naomi Aldort, John Travis and Meryn Callander, John Breeding, Scott Noelle, Beverley Paine and Alan Wilson

Download it from here

Los Niños

38 delightful paintings of children by Donald Zolan.

"Donald Zolan is currently recognized as America's premier children's artist. His work celebrates the joy of childhood, with all its wonders, innocence, and love."

View at (allow time for pictures to load)

Thank you for that item to Fabiola Arnaudo


"uLearning is a new way to conceptualise what Education in the 21st century needs to become. As minituarised, mobile, wireless, ubiquitous computing seeps into everyday use, education needs to respond, and this site and the blog listed below have been created to do just that." - Jonathan Nalder

The Dawn of uLearning

Education Outside School

A new UK-based online magazine "for current and potential home educating families".

Read the first edition online at

We Love Home Education!

"A page to promote and celebrate home education in the UK and around the world."

Find it at

Home Based Learning Network 2010 Conference

3rd and 4th of July

At Penrhos College, Morrison Street, Como, Perth, Western Australia

"A Conference flyer has been created. Feel free to download, print and distribute to help advertise the event!"

Please visit this page at for the details


Saturday, July 10 - Saturday, July 17, 2010

At The Hop Farm, Paddock Wood, Tonbridge  Kent, England

"HESFES is the Home Educators' Summer Festival. Children who are in school are also very welcome.

It is run by a cooperative of volunteers and is non profit making and entirely self funding.

Now in its 13th year  the event will once again see people from all over the UK and abroad come together for a week of fun."

Get all the exciting details at

Homeschool Association of California 20th Anniversary Conference

August 19 - 22nd, 2010

At Radisson Hotel, Sacramento, California, USA.

"Have you ever wished that you could find a place where you and your kids fit right in? Where no one looked at you sideways because your kids aren't in school? Where everyone thought it was great that you listen to your kids when they need you? Where they would listen to your kids, too?

Then the HSC Conference is the place for you!  Each year, over 1000 attendees, from ages 2 to 82, gather in Sacramento to play, learn, and just hang out."

Please visit for further information

14th International Rethinking Everything Conference

Friday, September 3 - Tuesday, September 7, 2010

At the American Airlines Training & Conference Center, Fort Worth, Texas, USA

"Founded 17 years ago as the Rethinking Education conference and officially morphing in 2009 to Rethinking Everything, we're setting bright new standards for progressive families ...

At the heart of Rethinking Everything is the awareness that the most important way we can effect positive, enlightened change in the world is by entirely rethinking the nature of childhood and the environments we create to support the THRIVING of children and their families."

Get all the exciting details at

First Ever Australian Unschooling Conference Retreat

Friday, September 3 - Tuesday, September 7, 2010

At Tallebudgerra Tourist Park, Tallebudgerra Creek, Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia

"Come together with other natural learning families for the first ever Unschooling Conference in Australia! Join us for connection, community, support and fun!"

I will be speaking on the Saturday morning, September 4.

Get all the exciting details at

Dr. Peter Breggin's New Empathic Therapy Center

"Internationally renowned psychiatrist Peter R. Breggin, MD and his wife Ginger Breggin have launched a new reform organization with an outstanding Advisory Council and a new annual conference.

Our new reform organization is putting the focus back on the individual and not the diagnosis or the drug.  We have dual purposes: 1. To carry forward and expand the 40 years of biopsychiatric reform that Dr. Breggin has so brilliantly spearheaded.  And 2. To encourage and inspire humane and ethical social services and therapies that assist individuals and families toward better and more successful lives without the harmful effects of biopsychiatric interventions."

For further information please visit

Thank you for reading the Parental Intelligence Newsletter!

The next issue of this newsletter will be published on 27 June 2010

Subscribe now and stay in touch

Published by Bob Collier, Canberra, Australia  

Email: bobcollier[at]parental-intelligence[dot]com 

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