The Parental Intelligence Newsletter

February 2009

Hi, this is Bob Collier inviting you to 'explore the psychology of happy and successful parenting', connect with bright minds, discover new ideas and sail outside the mainstream for a while without running aground.

All that and more.

In this month's issue of the Parental Intelligence Newsletter there are links to 17 articles and 21 notices and items of news. As always, I trust you will find in my latest collection of parenting, education and personal development ideas and information from around the internet something that will make a positive difference to your life - and, through you, to the lives of your children.

Please scroll down to pick and choose whatever is of interest and useful to you.

Thank you for being here! I appreciate this opportunity to be of help to you in your parenting adventure and wish you all the happiness and success you would wish yourself.

See you next month!



Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Liberating Parents

A new and different parenting book from Australian NLP Consultant and Life Coach Keith Gilbert.

"... this is what Liberating Parents is all about.  It is training for parents so that you can learn the essential processes for creating, maintaining and enjoying mental and emotional health and wellbeing. And when you have these skills and use them on a daily basis then you become a model for your children of a balanced, creative and free individual… which is exactly what you want for your children!"

My favourite parenting book ever

Invest in a copy of Liberating Parents at 
Visit Keith Gilbert's Neuro Linguistic Parents website for more information

Join my Facebook group Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Liberating Parents


The Limbic Imprint
by Elena Tonetti Vladimirova

Why is it critical for us to understand the importance of healthy, happy gestation and birth? Why is it important to make every effort to eliminate the birth trauma from the delivery room? Is it affecting us? How?

Well, it does affect us, in a very big way.The new baby, way before the birth day, during it and right after, is an extremely sensitive being, in fact, more sensitive than he or she will ever be during the adult life. And not only able to have all those sensations and feelings, but also to not cognitively remember them! Our early impressions stay with us for the rest of our lives, for better or for worse. Twenty five years of thorough research and studies in the field of prenatal psychology show undoubtedly a direct correlation between the way we were born and the subconscious behavioral and emotional patterns in our adult lives. This is due to the mechanism called "limbic imprint".

Read more ...

An Ounce of Prevention is a Pound of Cure - Maybe: Observations on How We Care For Our Children
by John Breeding, Ph.D.

Disability rates in the United States are incredible. Investigative journalist Robert Whitaker (2005) analyzed data  on adult psychiatric disability in the United States. A century ago, one out of 500 people was considered "disabled" by mental illness and in need of hospitalization. By 1955, at the advent of the first mainline psychiatric drug, Thorazine, for serious "mental illness", that number had jumped to closer to one in 300. Incredibly, in the next 50 years, a period when psychiatric drugs have been the primary treatment, the disability rate climbed steadily. It is astounding that one in 50 adults in this country receive Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) or Supplemental Security Income (SSI) money from the government for psychiatric disability. Clearly, prevention is not happening. Psychiatric disability is epidemic; we are a failing society in light of adult well-being as defined by ability.

The data on schoolchildren with various "disabilities" rendering them eligible for special education makes the one in 50 statistic pale by comparison.

Read more ...

The Einstein Syndrome and Other Labels
by Naomi Aldort

Learning and developmental labels are neither facts nor discoveries; each label is invented as a measuring of a child in comparison to others and to dictatorial ideas about children. Can you imagine labeling blue-eyed people as suffering from BDS (Brown Deficiency Syndrome)? "But my child does have these symptoms," says a puzzled parent. Yet, these are not "symptoms" but simply human traits.

Read more ...

The Final Prejudice
by David Deutsch

Suppose you suddenly found yourself in the body of a twelve-year-old child. Suppose that despite this physical transformation, your personality, your knowledge and every other aspect of your mind remained unchanged. How might this affect your life?

This was the theme of an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation (entitled "Rascals"). A transporter malfunction physically rejuvenates four of the Starship Enterprise's crew, including Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
The Ship's Doctor, Beverly Crusher, runs some tests and determines that the bodies of the Captain and the others are the bodies of twelve-year-olds, but their minds are entirely unaffected.
Read more ...

Handling Children's Feelings in Public Places
by Patty Wipfler

We live in a society that has a demanding and judgmental attitude toward parents and young children. Often, the attitude toward children in public is that they should be seen and not heard, that the parent should be in control  of the child's behavior, and that children who are having feelings in public are a nuisance. In short, children are not really welcome. Their freshness, curiosity, and frank expression of feelings are not seen as a gift.

In addition, the childrearing tradition that has been handed down to most of us sets us against our children when  their behavior isn't convenient for adults. Others expect us to criticize, use harsh words, punish, isolate, shame,  threaten, or physically attack a child who is "misbehaving." No parent really wants to act like an adversary toward  the child he loves. We treat our beloved children in these ways when we can't think of anything else to do, when we  feel very upset, or when we fear the disapproval of others.

Read more ...

Encourage, beyond praise
from The Natural Parenting Center

What's the difference between praise and encouragement?

A worthy question. Praise uses judgment and encouragement is non-judgmental. Praise evaluates and encouragement  does not. As a result, praise relies on extrinsic motivation and encouragement is all about intrinsic motivation.

Why is intrinsic motivation superior? It works. In other words, we are truly and lastingly motivated when the source comes from within. In the end, a child who is encouraged will trust themselves, know who they are, be resilient, and be strong in the face of peer pressure and other outer influences. The child who is encouraged will look inside him or herself for happiness and well-being.

Read more ...

Happy Parents - The Magic Formula for Happy Kids
by Ronit Baras

There are a lot of resources dedicated to children. Governments dedicate so much to children that a lot of your  taxes are paid to build solid education systems aimed at enhancing children. Everyone wants kids to have a  successful and happy life.

For many years, I was part of that system and I still work with children a lot, but I believe that if we really want to give them a successful and happy life we need to pay attention to those who do not go to school every day, but who are more important - the parents.

Read more ...

Kids overworked? Join the less-homework revolution
by Nancy Kalish,
Parenting magazine

I used to be extremely pro-homework. In fact, I once wrote an article for this very magazine telling readers how to  get kids to stop whining and knuckle down to work. Back then, I could afford to be smug: My second-grader was  happily zooming through her ten minutes a night.

But a few years later, Allison started coming home with four hours of homework each night, and everything changed.  Now there was not only whining but also begging, yelling, and crying - sometimes from both of us. The worst part:  hearing my previously enthusiastic learner repeatedly swear how much she hated school.

Read more ...

Thank you for that item to Vanessa Van Petten

'The Objective of Education Is Learning, Not Teaching'
An excerpt from the book Turning Learning Right Side Up: Putting Education Back on Track
by Russell L. Ackoff and Daniel Greenberg

Traditional education focuses on teaching, not learning. It incorrectly assumes that for every ounce of teaching there is an ounce of learning by those who are taught. However, most of what we learn before, during, and after attending schools is learned without its being taught to us. A child learns such fundamental things as how to walk, talk, eat, dress, and so on without being taught these things. Adults learn most of what they use at work or at leisure while at work or leisure. Most of what is taught in classroom settings is forgotten, and much of what is remembered is irrelevant.

Read more ...

Web 2.0-savvy teachers testing old assumptions
by Steve Mollman

Teachers are often portrayed as being clueless about technology, but ever more of them are putting that stereotype  to the test.

Web 2.0 technologies in particular have found a receptive audience among educators. Many use blogs to share ideas  on teaching and technology, some of which might surprise students.

One idea in the teacher blogosphere: In the age of podcasts, kill off the classroom lecture, or at least rely on it  less.

Why fill classroom time with passive listening in a chemistry class if it could be better used for practice and  interaction? Lectures can be listened to at home as a podcast.

Read more ...

Immersive Gameplay: The Future of Education?
by Chris Riedel

New immersive learning environments--built on state-of-the-art data modeling and "intelligent" game systems--may be the future of education, according to researcher Jim Brazell. But are educators themselves ready to make the shift?  Brazell, who is also a consultant and president of, opened his keynote session at FETC 2009 Friday with a confession: "When I was a child," he said, "my family couldn't afford a computer." So instead of typing away on a Commodore 64 or an Apple IIe, Brazell played video games.

Read more ...

The Net Generation Takes the Lead
by Don Tapscott,
Business Week

In the second half of the 20th century, baby boomers set the stage for how we live and work.... But now, these old  ways are starting to be shattered by the new Web and this new generation. The new Web, which lets people contribute  to knowledge and not just consume it, is revolutionary. The great powers, such as the titans of broadcast TV, no  longer control the distribution of knowledge. People no longer have to follow the leaders and do what they're told.  Now they can organize themselves, publish themselves, inform themselves, and share with their friends - without  waiting for an authority to instruct them.

Read more ...

Living and Learning as a Father in an Unschooling Family
by Drew Dorsey

Being relatively new to the Unschooling community, our family is meeting new people regularly and treasuring the discovery of new friends with similar principles and lifestyles. We truly value these new acquaintances, for each time we meet a new unschooling family, they serve as another role model, sounding board and support system, for us on our own journey through this wonderful life. Often, when we observe and interact with these families and we see how happy and free their children are, it validates the decisions we have made in our own family.

Read more ...

What Is, And Isn't Unschooling
by Joanne of
An Unschooling Life

Unschooling isn't so much a method, as it is a way of looking at learning. It's seeing the learning in everything.  To me, it's much more than just dropping the curriculum, although that's an excellent place to start.

It's changing the way you view learning and education.

Read more ...

Promotional Intelligence
by Annie Murphy Paul

If success has a thousand fathers and failure is an orphan, some brainchildren are more like foster kids: Proud  parents bring their intellectual offspring into the world, only to see them raised by someone else. That's been the fate of emotional intelligence, an idea that was born in academia but came of age in the public eye. The adoptive parent, in this case, is science journalist Daniel Goleman. His book, "Emotional Intelligence," hit the bookstores in 1995, with ambitious claims trumpeted on its cover. "The groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be smart" promised to reveal why emotional intelligence "can matter more than IQ." In a chapter titled "When Smart Is  Dumb," Goleman explained that "there are widespread exceptions to the rule that IQ predicts success -- many (or  more) exceptions than cases that fit the rule," adding that "one of psychology's open secrets is the relative inability of grades, IQ or SAT scores, despite their popular mystique, to predict unerringly who will succeed in  life."

Read more ...

Panic Attacks and Anxiety
by Roger Elliott

There is much written about anxiety and panic attacks. Why? - because they are an essential part of being human. Panic attacks and anxiety are abilities that have kept us safe for millions of years, allowed us to survive, evolve and succeed as a species.

Read more ...

Do I really believe in hypnosis?
by Mark Tyrrell

As co-creator of, I often get asked about the 'scientific evidence' for hypnosis. People  asking this question are usually asking whether hypnosis is a distinct form of consciousness ...

Read more ...


How I Parent

A short and hopefully useful instantly downloadable ebook about how I've parented my own children.

Read more about that here 

Guiding Stars of the New Parenting Movement

Be sure to download your FREE copy of my Guiding Stars of the New Parenting Movement ebooks while you're here if you haven't done so already.

There are two volumes so far. These ebooks are FREE with my compliments and are packed with valuable insights and useful ideas to help you in your parenting adventure.

Volume 1 - an introduction to the work of Michael Mendizza, Robin Grille, Laura Ramirez, Jan Hunt, Pam Leo, Pat and Larry Downing, Alfie Kohn, Marc Prensky, Kali Wendorf and Jan Fortune-Wood

Download it from here  

Volume 2 - an introduction to the work of Aletha Solter, Kim Wildner, Naomi Aldort, John Travis and Meryn Callander, John Breeding, Scott Noelle, Beverley Paine and Alan Wilson

Download it from here

Kindred Magazine

"Kindred magazine is created to support and give voice to the embryonic but powerfully essential movement towards conscious parenting and conscious living happening all around the world. It is in honour of that revolutionary movement everywhere, be it large or small, public or personal, that Kindred addresses issues ahead of mainstream media. It brings cutting edge research and information from pioneers in all fields relating to the well being of our human family and the world we live in.

Courageously exploring social, political, spiritual, global and environmental issues, it is the first and only such magazine in Australia and one of only a few in the world."

For more information about the latest issue and to subscribe please visit the Kindred Magazine website 

Subscribe to Kindred Magazine's between issues newsletter Kindred Spirit

Kindred Magazine on Facebook

Natural Child News

The Natural Child Project's free monthly newsletter.

Subscribe to Natural Child News here   

Connection Parenting

A standout book by parent educator Pam Leo recommended by the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children.   

"Connection parenting is parenting through connection instead of coercion, through love instead of fear."

Get all the details at

Heart To Heart Parenting

A new book from Robin Grille, author of Parenting For A Peaceful World.

"An empowering book for parents, Heart to Heart Parenting is more than just a 'how to' book about raising happy and resilient children - it aims to help you create a deep and lasting relationship that is unique to you and your child. Using techniques that are based on connection rather than shaming, manipulation or punishment, Robin Grille introduces you to insightful and practical ways to benefit your child's emotional wellbeing and development."

Find out more here

Save The Natural Child Project

A message from Jan Hunt, Director of The Natural Child Project:

"The Natural Child Project has promoted attachment parenting and natural learning since 1996. We love helping  families, but the current economic climate has made it difficult for us to continue.

We are sending this one-time message to our newsletter subscribers to ask for a small donation. If everyone gives  just $5, we can continue to encourage and inform attachment parenting families around the world.

Our vision is a world in which all children are treated with dignity, respect, understanding, and compassion. In  such a world, every child can grow into adulthood with a generous capacity for love and trust. Our society has no  more urgent task."

How can you help?

Donate online here with credit card or PayPal:
Please freely share this message on Internet forums, and with others who appreciate the work of The Natural Child Project. Thanks.

Book Recommendations from Naomi Aldort

Two parenting books recommended by Naomi Aldort, author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves in her latest newsletter:

Healing Our Children
by Ramiel Nagel

"Ramiel Nagel, who wrote "healing tooth decay" has now written a comprehensive thick volume of every information you need in order to raising your child to thrive with full health, strait teeth and a emotional well being. It is  truly an encyclopedia of attachment parenting in action with all the details not covered in other AP books, from preconception till the early years."

More information about Healing Our Children at the Amazon website

Instead of Medicating and Punishing
by Laurie A. Couture

"When I wrote my book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, I didn't let myself shout from the rooftops: Hold your baby, breastfeed, sleep with her, don't scold, let him be himself, don't tell her what to do... I wanted to  include more mothers and fathers to . I am happy that I did that because it is needed.

However, I was hoping someone will come along and write a book showing that not every parenting way is optimal for the child and that nature has clear guidance for us. Laurie Couture did exactly that."

More information about Instead of Medicating and Punishing at the Amazon website

The Origins of Love and Violence

25 years of NICHD [National Institute of Child Health and Human Development] brain-behavior research documenting how early sensory deprivation, abuse and neglect patterns the brain for a lifetime of depression and violence.

Designed For Personal and Classroom Use

. Over three hours of historical film footage
. In-depth interviews
. Comprehensive research database (1966 - 2008)

Get the details at the Touch The Future website

Why Vaccinations Harm Children: Health Experts Sound Off

A collection of quotations from naturopathic physicians, health authors, researchers and doctors on the dangers of vaccines, assembled by Mike Adams, "The Health Ranger" and Editor of Natural News, from a private library of health books and published at his Natural News website to make the entire collection public.

Free registration is required to read the complete collection.

Please visit the Natural News website

The Mindful Parent

"Experiencing the Joy of Connecting With Our Children"

"Mindful Parenting is a contemplative practice through which our connection to our child, and awareness of our  child's presence, helps us to become better grounded in the present moment.
The Mindful Parent is an organization devoted to sharing with parents and other child caregivers ways in which to  enhance the many joys of parenting.  By mindfully attending to our children, both when we are physically present  with them and when we are physically separated from them, we can enhance our sense of connection to them and, in  turn, our connection to the cosmos.  This makes us a better parent, a happier person, and a more vital human  being."

Here's the FAQ page

Childrearing Practices and Educational Choices research

Rebecca Zellner Grunzke, M.Ed., a Ph.D. student at the University of Florida, is looking for parents to participate in a study comparing childrearing practices of parents of conventionally schooled students and unschoolers for her dissertation research, Childrearing Practices and Educational Choices.

"I have composed a .pdf file consisting of 60 cards containing the most frequently mentioned childrearing tasks listed by parents of school-aged children. I am now asking parents to perform what is called a "pile sort" with these cards and to report your results. (The whole process took my husband about 30 minutes.)"

If you are interested in helping Rebecca with her research, please visit this page at her website. Thanks.

New Facebook groups

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering

A group for discussing Sarah J Buckley's book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering.

Sarah J Buckley is a trained GP/family physician and an internationally-acclaimed writer on gentle choices in pregnancy, birth, and parenting.

If you're on Facebook, please visit the Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering group for more information

Parents Against Baby Trainers

"A group against the myths perpetuated by people out to make a quick buck from tired, vulnerable mothers."

Please visit the Parents Against Trainers group for more information

Conscious Woman, Inc.

"Conscious Woman, Inc. is an online community that focuses on women's health, children's health and welfare, and the environment. Conscious Woman actively and aggressively promotes informed choice through compassionate education, love and support."

Please visit the Conscious Woman group for more information

Rethinking Respect: A Revolution

"Heart Rockin' Mama" is starting a revolution, so that "maybe one day people will all show children the respect they deserve."

I'm all for that.

You can read all about the revolution at the Heart Rockin' Family blog. Just "click the photo" on the home page or go directly to this blog post.

Instinctive Parenting

" is dedicated to providing information on a range of topics that aim to empower parents and bring parenting skills back to the basic premise of trusting your instincts, your heart and your baby primarily before taking on the advice of anyone else... including experienced baby 'experts'.

For more information, please visit the Instinctive Parenting website

Parenting With Presence

The website of Marion Badenoch Rose B.Sc. Ph.D. Dip.Couns. Dip Psych. GSPP., Certified Aware Parenting Instructor and Field Center Certified Facilitator.

Here's her biography page

"On this site are articles and letters I've written related to Aware Parenting, Carrying Babies, Nonviolent Communication, calmbirth, and Elimination Communication.  These are all things I've found have enriched the lives of my family.

You will also find information about the consultations and courses I offer in Aware Parenting and Field Center Certified Facilitating."


Life Learning: Lessons from the Educational Frontier

A new book edited by Wendy Priesnitz, author of Challenging Assumptions in Education.

"This newly published book is a passionate collection of essays from the leading edge of educational theory and practice [that] demonstrates how families around the world are embracing the philosophy of radical unschooling. Life Learning is the story of how children can personalize and control their own learning . . . and what adults can do (and stop doing) to help them."

Read more about the book here

Voices from the New American Schoolhouse

A series of YouTube videos.

"Voices from the New American Schoolhouse explores life outside the usual educational box. Narrated exclusively by students, the film chronicles life and learning at the Fairhaven School in Upper Marlboro, [Maryland, USA,] which practices an undiluted form of freedom and democracy that turns mainstream education theory on its head."

Watch the videos here

Thank you for that item to Clay Burell


The Yahoo! group formerly known as Respectful Parenting UK is now UnschoolingUK.

"UnschoolingUK is a group for "people who realise that to give our children the best start we can in life we need to respect them for who they are. Who understand the importance of treating our children with dignity, respect, understanding and compassion. Who are aiming to parent in a mutually trusting and loving relationship based on respect and emotional support."

Find out more about UnschoolingUK here

Great Big Happy Life Conference

A Radical Unschoolers' Conference Retreat, Lebanon, New Jersey, USA, April 28-May 1, 2009.

"The conference is an opportunity to connect with like-minded families, expand your notion of what it means to live with children, and participate in the unschooling movement as it changes the world."

Get all the details at

And finally ...

Compilation of Real Parents' Lists of Things They Have Learned from being Parents

Lyla Wolfenstein's ever-evolving and growing list.

"This idea was born out of a "silly" facebook questionnaire - but so many people had such valuable wisdom to share, i wanted to get it all in one place as a resource for myself and anyone else!"

To contribute or read what others have written, please visit

Thank you for reading the Parental Intelligence Newsletter!

The next issue of this newsletter will be published on or about 14 March 2009

Subscribe now and stay in touch

Copyright © Bob Collier, except where indicated otherwise

Published by Bob Collier, Canberra, Australia  

Email: bobcollier[at]parental-intelligence[dot]com 

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